Putting On The Style

The Resplendents needed six matching suits on a tight budget, so I met Alex and Paul in town in order to investigate potential stage-wear. We visited every shop we could think of that might be able to cater for us and came away with a few suggestions to put to the rest of the band.

After completing our research I persuaded the others to join me on the charity shop trail. We began with the British Heart Foundation, where I bought the CD single version of Snap’s Rhythm Is A Dancer. I already had this on 7” but decided I might as well, at only 50p, have the CD too. I also found Gary Barlow’s Love Won’t Wait and Boom Boom Boom by the Outhere Brothers, which contained, according to the Parental Advisory notice on the cover, strong language which some people may find offensive. This might have been for the protection of the hard-of-hearing, who could easily mistake the lyrics for ‘Bum Bum Bum’.

We moved on to the RSPCA, where I turned up the CD of Young At Heart by the Bluebells, meaning that I would have no use for the empty 7” sleeve that had been lying around at home for some time. I also came away with a small stack of vinyl, including the 81st Number One, from 1959, Shirley Bassey’s As I Love You, which was in remarkably good condition given its age. The same could not be said for The Power Of Love by Jennifer Rush which turned out to be incredibly noisy, meaning that I now had two poor quality copies of this record. The Jam’s A Town Called Malice/Precious was at least an improvement on the one I already owned, though I was still missing its picture sleeve.

Alex declared Doop by Doop* to be the worst record ever made, but I bought it anyway, along with a trio of classic 80s chart-toppers: Nena’s 99 Red Balloons, Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean and Always On My Mind by the Pet Shop Boys.

In Oxfam I had to be content with a solitary CD, the Five Live EP, credited to George Michael & Queen with Lisa Stansfield, though Lisa Stansfield only appears on one of the four tracks and Queen, as far as I can tell, on two.

The Shelter shop was short on vinyl but the stock they did have included another copy of Always On My Mind, this time with a picture sleeve, so I bought this record for the second time in a day. I also found Goody Two Shoes by Adam Ant in a strange sleeve-cum-poster combination. The cover credit of Adam & The Ants revealed this to be an early pressing.

The selection of CD singles was better, including three of the 36 Number Ones from 1999: Fatboy Slim’s Praise You, Lou Bega’s Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of…) (The European Hit Of The Summer, according to the cover) and King Of My Castle by Wamdue Project, which holds the obscure distinction of being the chart-topper with the most letters in its title without repetition – 14 of them and every one different.

Also present were the comparatively recent Toxic by Britney Spears, from 2004, and a pair from 2002: the 933rd Number One, Round Round by the Sugababes, and its successor, Blazin’ Squad’s Crossroads. This contained a card to sign up for Blazin’ Squad updates, which had been completed but unsent by its previous owner. I studied the details and noted that I now had the name, address and phone number of a nearby 20-year-old lady. I considered giving her a call, perhaps with a view to becoming her stalker, but decided against this course of action when I remembered how this information had come into my hands.

By now we had been walking around town for hours and I was laden with as many Number Ones as I could cope with, so we decided to retire to the pub, where we played darts and hatched a plan to shave my head.

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* I have a feeling this will be another controversial topic, but I believe this is one of eleven Number Ones with a nonsense or made-up word in the title.