Are Friends Electric?

My old and dear friends Anthony and Lindsay have cemented their reputation by bolstering my collection to the tune of 13 Number Ones. Ant, who is himself an anal record boy (specialist subject: jangly indie pop) and probably secretly wishes he’d had this idea before I did, discovered in his record collection an old compilation album entitled ’20 Number 1’s’ (their misplaced apostrophe, not mine), and kindly donated it to the cause.

It contains a selection of chart-toppers predominantly from the 1960s, including 11 which I had yet to locate. On playing the record I was disheartened to discover that the vinyl seemed to be in rather poor condition, and wouldn’t play for more than a couple of minutes without skipping, but with a little care and attention (vigorous rubbing, for the most part) I was able to correct the problem areas.

The most stubborn blemish, which appeared for some time to be irreparable, was especially frustrating as it was in the middle of the best track, the marvellous In The Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus) by Zager & Evans, the 275th Number One from 1969. I am ashamed to have never previously owned this record, as it is surely one of the best ever chart-toppers. I had not heard it for many years, but it remained fresh in my mind, perhaps due to the unforgettable opening lines: "In the year 2525, if man is still alive". As well as being one of the greatest Number Ones, it is also one of the strangest and perhaps the most sinister, being a tale of a dystopic future and ultimate armageddon.

Another unforgettable opening belongs to the 116th Number One, Blue Moon by the Marcels, which begins, brilliantly, "Bom momma bom, ma bom ba bom bom, ba ba bom ba ba bom, ba dang a dang dang, ba ding a dong ding blue moon". The Elvis version of this song is good, but I can’t help but consider that it would have been improved if only he’d thought of that.

The 99th Number One was Lonnie Donegan’s My Old Man’s A Dustman (Ballad Of A Refuse Disposal Officer), which contains some of the worst jokes ever committed to vinyl. As evidence I will submit just one example:

"My dustbin’s full of lilies".
"Well, throw ‘em away then".
"I can’t, Lily’s wearing ‘em!".

Judging by the audience reaction in this live recording, this was the height of hilarity in 1960, but in 2005 it inspires in me only bemusement and a blank stare.

While the LP focuses on the 60s, it also includes Eddie Fisher’s Outside Of Heaven, which dates back to 1953. When it reached the top of the UK charts in January of that year, it became only the 4th record ever to do so. Sadly there is little else of note in this song.

Anthony’s wife Lindsay made a contribution of her own, digging out a couple of old 7”s. The Joker by the Steve Miller Band is unfortunately the original 1973 single rather than the 1990 re-release which reached Number One on the back of an appearance in a Levi’s advert, having outsold its nearest rival by just 8 copies*, but is nevertheless a useful addition.

George Michael’s A Different Corner, on the other hand, is the real deal, complete with picture sleeve. Before playing the record, I was struggling to recall it, and having listened I became convinced that this is in fact yet another Number One which has always eluded my ears. But this record spent 3 weeks at the top in 1986, when I was 10 years old and a regular viewer of 'Top Of The Pops' and other music programmes, so how can it be possible that I have never heard it? It was preceded by Living Doll by Cliff Richard & The Young Ones, and deposed by Falco’s Rock Me Amadeus, both of which are as familiar to me as any among the thousand, but it seems that George’s effort passed me by.

This confuses and surprises me. It’s not a particularly memorable record, admittedly, and perhaps it has simply been forgotten, but even so, this seems strange. Ironically, the back sleeve proclaims that "This record is dedicated to a memory". Obviously not mine.

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* The record it beat was one of the great Number 2s – know what it was?